So I have always loved Michael Jackson, ever since I saw the movie Free Willy and we danced to Heal the World as a Finale song one year, he's been my boy. I love old school Michael music so much! As I was listening to a random mix the other day I heard the song, Man in the Mirror. Wow, it's awesome how God speaks to us in so many facuets of our life. The song convicted me, "if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." These past few months I have kind of been in blah land. I have been going through the motions and losing alot of my drive. I think about this and I just hate it because I realize it's pretty much all my fault. I'm letting Satan bring me down.
The other day I had a realization, I read something in my bible study that made this light bulb go off in my head. I'm doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel and it has been awesome so far. This study has challenged, stretched, and focused my heart and mind. The last section I studied was called, "Oppression of the Saints" which focuses on Daniel chapter 7. Verse 25 says, " He will speak against the Most High and oppress his saints. This chapter discusses the power of Satan and how he manipulates God's people by literally "wearing them away".
I have definitely been going through a season in my life where I can relate to this. It's been a difficult past few months for me for many reasons. Dealing with my dad and his health, ending a relationship, and other day to day stresses have definitely "worn" me down. My feelings have ranged from exhausted, discouraged, guilty, and just plain sad.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10 is my jam right now. Check it out! But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our mortal body.--- Can I get an A-men?
Beth said, "God uses our circumstances to help us develop compassion." I believe that is 100% true. I know that this period in my life will be part of my testimony some day. I will be able to look back on this time in my life and see God's hand at work. Maybe I'll even have the opportunity to empathize and comfort someone else in a similar situation.
So, this is me kicking my own butt back into gear. I've gotta make the change. I've gotta be the change, yeah Ghandi.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Crystal Ball
Sometimes, I just wish I could see into the future. I wish there really were pretty sparkly crystal balls that gave me all the answers I am seeking. Especially at moments like these in my life.
Geeze, I feel like I've had nothing really big going on in my life for the longest time. Now, as of two days ago, my whole plan of what was gonna be going on in my life for the next few months is up for grabs. A month ago my principal approached me asking if it would be alright for her to nominate me for a new thing Metro is starting up this year. It's called the Teacher Leadership Institute. I didn't really think much of it other than, "awe that's a really nice compliment for her to think of me". Over the past month, I've had so many other things to think about I had kind of put it at the bottom of my list of things to do. So this past weekend, I started thinking about it again. I looked at the website and decided to go for it. I began the process of filling out the application, redoing my resume, and writing an essay. Four hours later, I finished and starting thinking about what it would actually mean if I was selected. I have been praying and trying to think this through to decide if this is really what God wants for me.
Here are some Pros and Cons:
Pros:
-I get to be a part of a select group of special educators
- I will learn many leadership skills
- make connections within my district
-free IPAD!!! (I like this one alot)
How it affects my summer:
- I'll have more time to travel at the beginning of the summer
-I would get to work YES Bible Camp
Cons:
- rejection of not getting picked
-I won't get to take the free flight class from MTSU this summer
-suspense of waiting to find out if I get picked- I have to wait till April freakin fools day to find out. That is sooo not funny.
-It's gonna take up alot of my time and energy
- lots of expectations and pressure
As of now, I wait in limbo land until, they decide if they want a personal interview with me. Ahhhh, nervous feeling. Ahhh, I haven't done anything like this in a long time. This will either be a great opportunity for me to do something special or a good lesson in humility. I have always had a hard time balancing confidence and humility. I never want to jump the gun and get excited before something actually happens because I hate getting my hopes up then being disappointed. If I do get selected, I'm gonna have mega responsibility next year. My principal already told me she wants me on leadership team and wants me to be the K team leader next year.
This is scary for me because I feel so tied down now. I still have such a passion and desire to teach abroad . God planted that seed in my life a long time ago and it has been growing steadily in my heart since then. I feel like this is a time in my life where I should still feel free to make choices about what I want to do. There are so many conflicting ideas in my head right now. Life, career, passion, and desire. So many choices. No matter how scary it all seems, I just have to believe that God will equip me with whatever skills I will need for whatever path he brings me to. He's never failed me before. Amen
Geeze, I feel like I've had nothing really big going on in my life for the longest time. Now, as of two days ago, my whole plan of what was gonna be going on in my life for the next few months is up for grabs. A month ago my principal approached me asking if it would be alright for her to nominate me for a new thing Metro is starting up this year. It's called the Teacher Leadership Institute. I didn't really think much of it other than, "awe that's a really nice compliment for her to think of me". Over the past month, I've had so many other things to think about I had kind of put it at the bottom of my list of things to do. So this past weekend, I started thinking about it again. I looked at the website and decided to go for it. I began the process of filling out the application, redoing my resume, and writing an essay. Four hours later, I finished and starting thinking about what it would actually mean if I was selected. I have been praying and trying to think this through to decide if this is really what God wants for me.
Here are some Pros and Cons:
Pros:
-I get to be a part of a select group of special educators
- I will learn many leadership skills
- make connections within my district
-free IPAD!!! (I like this one alot)
How it affects my summer:
- I'll have more time to travel at the beginning of the summer
-I would get to work YES Bible Camp
Cons:
- rejection of not getting picked
-I won't get to take the free flight class from MTSU this summer
-suspense of waiting to find out if I get picked- I have to wait till April freakin fools day to find out. That is sooo not funny.
-It's gonna take up alot of my time and energy
- lots of expectations and pressure
As of now, I wait in limbo land until, they decide if they want a personal interview with me. Ahhhh, nervous feeling. Ahhh, I haven't done anything like this in a long time. This will either be a great opportunity for me to do something special or a good lesson in humility. I have always had a hard time balancing confidence and humility. I never want to jump the gun and get excited before something actually happens because I hate getting my hopes up then being disappointed. If I do get selected, I'm gonna have mega responsibility next year. My principal already told me she wants me on leadership team and wants me to be the K team leader next year.
This is scary for me because I feel so tied down now. I still have such a passion and desire to teach abroad . God planted that seed in my life a long time ago and it has been growing steadily in my heart since then. I feel like this is a time in my life where I should still feel free to make choices about what I want to do. There are so many conflicting ideas in my head right now. Life, career, passion, and desire. So many choices. No matter how scary it all seems, I just have to believe that God will equip me with whatever skills I will need for whatever path he brings me to. He's never failed me before. Amen
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Trail Mix
Even though I just wrote a post a few weeks ago, so much has been going on in my life these past two weeks it seems like it's been forever. Writing has always helped me process and vent my thoughts. I really don't like to complain because I have so much to be fortunate for in my life so I like to write. I write so much I have five different journals at home, each one for a different purpose or reason. Warning: I'm about to write about alot of random stuff. Just like trail mix, with multiple ingredients when put together it's so yummy (I love trail mix and sometimes compare it to my life) there's gonna be some peanuts, almonds, pretzels, and chocolate all mixed together. No matter what you put in the mix it always tastes so good. So here it is... my trail mix life.
Lets start with the happy news, I do this with my class in the mornings, everyday I ask different kids what they are happy about that day. Their answers are always interesting and I have learned so much about each child by doing this little activity. Anyways, I have a lot of happy news today. We successfully finished our first week of TV announcements!!! We were the first K class to be on TV announcements, so it was a really big deal. We practiced for a week and a half to get ready and they rocked it. Each one of them did such a good job! I even got to make an appearance with them as Fancy Nancy on Wednesday. It was fun but soooo glad that it is over.
Read Me Week, was a success! The kids were so excited everyday about trying to figure out who the special reader would be for that day. I was very excited to share my kids with my friends. I absolutely loved having Amanda, Becky, Brenda, Katie, and Michael take time off their jobs to come and hang out with my class. Those kids make me so proud sometimes.
Charlie and I are celebrating our anniversary this month. The first time I met him was St. Patrick's Day and he came to live with me the week after. I can not believe it has been a year. Other than my family and friends I have never loved anything this much. I'm so glad that he is a part of my life. I'm in the process of planning a puppy party for him to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. I'm gonna make him a doggie cake.
Lets start with the happy news, I do this with my class in the mornings, everyday I ask different kids what they are happy about that day. Their answers are always interesting and I have learned so much about each child by doing this little activity. Anyways, I have a lot of happy news today. We successfully finished our first week of TV announcements!!! We were the first K class to be on TV announcements, so it was a really big deal. We practiced for a week and a half to get ready and they rocked it. Each one of them did such a good job! I even got to make an appearance with them as Fancy Nancy on Wednesday. It was fun but soooo glad that it is over.
Read Me Week, was a success! The kids were so excited everyday about trying to figure out who the special reader would be for that day. I was very excited to share my kids with my friends. I absolutely loved having Amanda, Becky, Brenda, Katie, and Michael take time off their jobs to come and hang out with my class. Those kids make me so proud sometimes.
 |
| Amanda read If I Ran the Circus |
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| Michael read Where the Wild Things Are |
My dance team finally got to perform at the Fourth Grade Program. This particular performance has been cancelled about 3 times due to weather stuff. So glad that's done. Next on the list... Basketball Cheerleading! Apparently I am gonna have about 50 cheerleaders this year, lord help me. I have already signed a bunch of their forms and they are so excited. I'm about half way done with their dance choreography and it's gonna be sick!! haha, sidenote I'm starting to really like Justin Bieber's music.
Bible study is going awesome. For the past 8 weeks, I have met with some awesome ladies who have inspired me with their insights and thoughts about each chapter of Daniel. I love digging deeper into God's word and discovering how applicable it is to me and my everyday life. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own "Babylon" and I am becoming more and more aware of it's presence in my life. Daniel's integrity is so inspiring. We have a camp song we sing at YES and one of the verses says, "I want to be like Daniel for Daniel was a mighty man" and we go back and forth with guys and the girls singing different parts. That song has taken on a new meaning for me.
Charlie and I are celebrating our anniversary this month. The first time I met him was St. Patrick's Day and he came to live with me the week after. I can not believe it has been a year. Other than my family and friends I have never loved anything this much. I'm so glad that he is a part of my life. I'm in the process of planning a puppy party for him to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. I'm gonna make him a doggie cake.
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| Love at first sight! Who couldn't love this dog? |
Selection Sunday is one week away! I love this time of year! I have so many fond memories of my junior year at Belmont when we got to go to the NCAA tournament for the first time ever!!! I had such a great time meeting new people and celebrating the awesome occasion with several friends. Those are some memories that will never be forgotten. If we end up going to San Diego again, I think I might just have to take off work.
Now for the not so happy news, in the past few months I have discovered that several couples I know are either in the process of or have already gotten a divorce. These are people I know well. People I would have never dreamed would get divorced. This just breaks my heart. I have never ever been a person to believe in divorce as an answer. My parents made it very clear to me as I was growing up that they did not believe in divorce either. I have always felt for my friends that grew up in divided homes and I'm so thankful I never had to endure that.
The more I think about this topic, the more wary I am of relationships in general. I spent alot of my time in high school and college learning from my friends mistakes and not making those same decisions myself. I really don't feel like I missed out because I was able to witness first hand the good and bad of it all. I am so thankful that I do have examples of healthy Christian marriages in my life and I have some of the best mentors ever that encourage and affirm me in my beliefs. At this point in my life, I'm just waiting to see what God has in store for me on this journey.
So not to end on a depressing note, in May, I am looking forward to sharing the union of two sets of my very special friends. Liz and Adam and Taylor and Klay! I'm going to start referring to the month of May as "Marriage Madness Month" Two consecutive wedding weekends! Oh boy!!! get the tissues ready
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