Four years ago, I reflected on this day by writing a little note on facebook. Here it is.
This day three years ago, one of my best friends was killed in a car accident. I can think of many bad days that i have had in my life, but Feb. 7, 2004 has to be the worst day of my life so far.
I was a freshman and a cheerleader for Belmont. We had had a double header that Sat. and it was such a long day. I was tired, hungry, and ready to leave so I could celebrate my birthday with my friends that night. I had talked with my parents during half time and they had been acting really strange.
After both the games were over my mom came up immediately and asked what was I doing, where was I going? I told her I had to go to my dorm and get some stuff but then I was gonna go out w/ everyone for my b-day. She told me she was coming with me and when I went to look at my phone she told me to give it to her. When I got in my dorm room, my AIM was full of messages saying, " something has happened and call me right away". I had no idea what was going on. Things were not adding up. She told me to come on and said she was going to drive me home. By this point, I knew something was wrong and something really bad had happened.
I remember getting so mad at my mom because she would not tell me what was going on. I thought my grandmother had passed away or something like that. Finally when we got home, my parents sat me down and my mom told me that Rachel had been on her way to a Phi Mu convention and that the car she was in had hit a patch of ice. She finished the statement by saying, she's gone.
At that moment so many things were going through my head I could not react. I started asking questions and saying that it couldn't be she was coming in town to celebrate my birthday tonight. I didn't understand how God could have let that happen. Once it finally hit me, I broke down. I remember running into the hallway and just falling on the floor crying.
I had never lost anyone like that before and I couldn't believe it was happening then. I was finally able to regain my composure somewhat and my parents took me over to the Cate's house. Since I was one of the last people to find out about it a bunch of people were already there.
Rachel, was the sister I never had. I spent many of my days after school at her house with her and her family. She was the best big sister I had ever seen, with her three brothers and one of the dearest friends a person could ask for. We had Spaghetti nights, student council stuff, classes together, church trips, inside jokes, shopping sprees, photo sessions and so many other adventures together. Many nights when my mom could not reach me on my cell phone she would just call the Cates house because more than likely I was over there or doing something else w/ Rachel. She was one of the cheerleaders biggest supporters in high school and we always went to Tim, Kenny, and Rascal Flatts concerts together. Rachel was not only my friend but my family too.
A week after her funeral, I received the birthday card that she had sent me in the mail. I will never forget the feeling I had that day. I realized that her writing me a birthday card was one of the most important things for her to do that week before she died. She wanted me to know that she loved me and that she wished she could be there to celebrate with me . To know she was thinking of me that week is something that helped me cope with her death.
She had always been the kind of person who helped others including her friends, family, and people she had never met. She was such huge part of my life and I will never forget the impact she had on me. Tim McGraw has a quote that says, " We all take different paths in life but no matter where we go we all take a little bit of each other with us everywhere". (I had to add some Timmy for old time sake) Rachel was one of the main reasons I joined Phi Mu and now that I am a Phi Mu we are officially sisters for life.
I still think of Rachel often, whether it's something that i see or a song on the radio. We had so many great memories together. Now all I have are those pictures and memories and I cherish each and every one. I thank God for putting Rachel and her family in my life.
I pray that today especially they are comforted in the fact, knowing that she is in such a better place and no longer has to worry about anything. Although, I still do not have the answer as to why she had to die so young. I know that God used Rachel, not only in her life but in her death. She was such a great testament to so many of our friends.
This is the first note I have ever made on facebook and I know Rachel would feel really special knowing that she came first ( she always liked to be the center of attention). It's hard to believe three years have come and gone so fast. I wanted to honor Rachel on this day and I thought that this would be a good way to do so.
Today I celebrated the life of Rachel Allison Cate. Although, she only lived a little while, the time she was here, she made special. I learned alot about friendship and family life from Rachel and because of her I am the person I am today.
One of Rachel's favorite verses: While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen [are] temporal; but the things which are not seen [are] eternal. II Corinthians 4:1
The Cates sent me flowers at school today for my birthday! The flowers just made my day. They were sooooo beautiful and springy! I got to talk to Leigh Ann for a little bit on the phone to thank her before she went to pick up Josh for piano. It's still hard talking to her about Rachel, especially on days like today.
Today I still hang out with the Cates as much as I can: birthdays, graduations, spaghetti nights, and Christmas Eve have become regular get together traditions. They really are like a second family to me. I'm so blessed to have such a strong Christian family example in them. I have watched them deal with their own pain throughout the years and they have always been there for me. Just being with Chris, Josh, and Zach remind me of so many good times and memories throughout the years. I have been so fortunate to be able to watch the boys grow up. I know that Rachel would be so proud of them all. Chris just graduated college and got a job, Josh is so smart and sincere, and Zach is totally boy and he just started modeling! On days like today, I can't help but wonder what it would be like if she were still here. So many experiences, we would have shared and loved together. I can't wait for the day when I see her again.
Sometimes I really just have a loss for words about how I feel about certain things, which is why I love music. Music is something everyone can relate to. Rachel and I shared a great love for music, drama, singing, and pretending we were gonna be famous one day. One of my favorite musicals of all time is Wicked I think of Rachel everytime I hear the last song on the soundtrack, For Good. Knowing her and being her friend truly did change me... for good.
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment