Where's the Faith?

I have been on a spiritual journey these past couple months.  This season in my life has been very unique to me and very difficult at times. I don't think I've ever experienced so much spiritual warfare within myself. God has revealed many things to me over the past few months through scripture, my friends, and other people's experiences. I am doing my best to soak it all in. I am becoming more aware of Satan's influence in my life. I recently came to the realization that I have been looking at life too much from man's perspective. This perspective comes easily to me and to everyone. It's something I am faced with and influenced by each day- it's my mental instinct. Many times it's very easy for me to get caught up in the same cycle, same routine, and to just follow suit, but that is not keeping in mind the things of God. God requires us to make a deliberate choice to follow him everyday. I have failed in making this choice alot.

Christ invites us to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily and follow him. In my current bible study, Beth Moore, Jesus the One and Only, our main focus has been Jesus. We began with his birth and we are now closely reaching the crucifiction. Throughout Jesus' ministry he healed a vast array of individuals. Although different in their sicknesses and problems there is one piece of common ground I have found in all their cases, they all had faith. Hebrews 11:6  says, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him". So moral of the story... "Everything is possible for him who believes" Mark 9:23.

Haha, so funny how God works, I was just watching the Hannah Montana movie before I started writing this and the she just sang the song The Climb. There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move, there's always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, It ain't about how fast I get there. It ain't about what's waiting on the other side... It's the Climb. Keep on Climbing, keep moving, Keep the faith, yeah!!!!

Some realizations that I've made throughout my climb:

- I was putting too much confidence in myself rather than God. The absence of positive influences, presence of negative influences, and lack of true times of prayer are a recipe for disaster.
- God will help us overcome our unbelief if our hearts are in the right place. Mark 9:24
-Conviction is a good thing- without it we would never be changed.
- I tend to be more of a Martha than a Mary.
- Many things are important in my life but only one is necessary. Luke 10:42 Mary chose Jesus. We have to make the choice daily.
- Christ values our journeys- testify

Long Time Coming

As I was looking back on some of my previous posts, I realized how long it has been since I last posted and how much has happened in my life since then. This summer flew by! Between Aerospace class, Y.E.S. Bible Camp, and Special Friends Camp, I had maybe two free weeks of summer time then it was time for school to start again. We have been in school for 33 days and I've experienced more changes than ever in the past 33 days. I have stayed late, stressed, and worried about so many truly insignificant things.

Recently, I have come to the realization of how much I have slipped in my walk with God. I have made excuses and filled my time with so much "stuff" that I have been putting my spiritual life on the back burner. All these distractions in my life have made it hard to see God's revelation in my day to day life. The good thing is that I have finally come to terms with my actions and behavior and I am ready to make a change.

I love this poem by J.R. Tolkien

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

Chapel in the Woods

My last post talked about my lack of observation in life. Today I went turkey hunting for the first time ever and had to be very observant. It was definitely a challenge but I had so much fun! I've heard Carlos talk about his love of hunting for years. He's always explained it to me to be a very spiritual experience.

Both my grandfather's grew up hunting. I have a 9 point deer head in my basement that my grandfather killed named, Buck. I used to dress him up and hang stuff on his antlers when I was little. Although, I've never really had a desire to kill an animal I really wanted to have the experience of just hunting. If my grandfather was still alive, I'm sure he would have taken me hunting with him but since he is not, Carlos invited me to go with him.

Carlos picked me up about 4 A.M. and we drove out to the property in Ashland City. We met up with his other hunting buddy, Will. Will informed me that it was a really big deal that I was going hunting with them because I was the first girl that either of them had ever taken hunting.  It was so dark and cold and foggy and creepy at first, but the sun started coming up and it turned into a truly glorious day.

We walked alot to try and find where the turkeys were roosting and set up a few decoys to try and bring the turkeys to us, but those didn't really work so we went to plan B: chase and ambush. This was pretty fun and exciting. I got to see a turkey take off and fly. I saw four turkeys strutting their stuff and we saw two coyotes that scared the living daylights out of me. I practiced shooting a shotgun for the first time ever and didn't end up falling over! It was pretty sweet.

BUT... my favorite part of the day was when Carlos and I decided to sit under a tree and watch for turkeys in the field. We had been hunting for 7 hours and needed a little breather too. We leaned up next to a big tree and I took time to just observe my surroundings. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of nature. I was surrounded by God's creations. It was such a beautiful way to spend Palm Sunday. I felt so blessed and spent a little time just praising and praying. I totally got what Carlos was talking about how he feels that hunting is a spiritual experience.

I gained such a respect for nature today. Respect for the land, God's creatures, and for simplicity in life. We charted some rough terrain following deer trails and making trails of our own. It was such a wonderful experience! I can't wait to do it again.

Song of the Heart- Part 2

The Sara Groves song I posted in part 1 has been on repeat in my mind lately. It's gonna be alright. I wish it were that simple. I am reminded of one of my favorite verses in James having to do with perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work for you to be mature and complete, not lacking anything- James 1:4. Also, that Smoky Norfolk song.. I will run till I finish.

So, the past week has flown by and I've had so much going on it seriously feels like I have been living in fast forward mode. Whenever life tends to get like this I just think of that quote from Ferris Bueller's Day Off,  "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

Sometimes I am so oblivious to my surroundings I feel like I "miss it". Maybe it's that I get so focused on one thing I am not observant to anything else or maybe I just need to slow down. I have some amazing friends that are helping me with this area in my life. I am so thankful to have these friends in my life. I don't get to see most of these people on a regular basis but when we do see each other we pick up right where we left off. These people have blessed me spiritually, mentally, and have challenged me to be a better person everyday. I love when I hear or read their thoughts about what is happening in their lives. When they take a moment to slow down, think, and process their ideas to share I benefit greatly.

As I was reading their blogs and  notes the other night, I just felt so blessed to be able to call those ladies my friends. As I have been working through this Daniel study, my constant prayer has been for the Lord to give me wisdom and discernment in my everyday life in this crazy world. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. I feel both of these ladies strive for the same thing and we are very much of like mind and heart.

My friend Kathleen (we've been friends over a decade) recently posted a note on facebook called, Learnin' and Lovin'. It begin with her quoting a song from Sara Groves (we both have Sara on the brain) and continued with some truly amazing discoveries she has made in her own life recently. I totally identified with her situation and was so blessed by her sharing her heart.

Another friend, Molly (you know we were instant friends) has been a blessing in my life since the day I met her. She is such a talented, beautiful woman of God. One of her recent blogs completely called me out. She began by saying, "You can't keep one eye on Heaven and the other on hurt." She talked about focus and how our lives and circumstances so easily get out of focus. So many times I am guilty of focusing my lenses on the wrong thing. I get caught up in small insignificant details or when my life becomes less than comfortable.

Praise God for these girls in my life who keep me in check and inspire me daily. Love, love, love.

Song of the Heart- Part 1

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I can tell by your eyes that you're not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you're sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

I believe you'll outlive this pain in you heart
And you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe
I believe

I did not come here to offer you clichÈ's
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright

Sara Groves-

Man in the Mirror

So I have always loved Michael Jackson, ever since I saw the movie Free Willy and we danced to Heal the World as a Finale song one year, he's been my boy. I love old school Michael music so much! As I was listening to a random mix the other day I heard the song, Man in the Mirror. Wow, it's awesome how God speaks to us in so many facuets of our life. The song convicted me, "if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." These past few months I have kind of been in blah land. I have been going through the motions and losing alot of my drive. I think about this and I just hate it because I realize it's pretty much all my fault. I'm letting Satan bring me down.

The other day I had a realization, I read something in my bible study that made this light bulb go off in my head. I'm doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel and it has been awesome so far. This study has challenged, stretched, and focused my heart and mind. The last section I studied was called, "Oppression of the Saints" which focuses on Daniel chapter 7. Verse 25 says, " He will speak against the Most High and oppress his saints. This chapter discusses the power of Satan and how he manipulates God's people by literally "wearing them away".

I have definitely been going through a season in my life where I can relate to this. It's been a difficult past few months for me for many reasons. Dealing with my dad and his health, ending a relationship, and other day to day stresses have definitely "worn" me down. My feelings have ranged from exhausted, discouraged, guilty, and just plain sad.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10 is my jam right now. Check it out! But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our mortal body.--- Can I get an A-men?

Beth said, "God uses our circumstances to help us develop compassion." I believe that is 100% true. I know that this period in my life will be part of my testimony some day. I will be able to look back on this time in my life and see God's hand at work. Maybe I'll even have the opportunity to empathize and comfort someone else in a similar situation.

So, this is me kicking my own butt back into gear. I've gotta make the change. I've gotta be the change, yeah Ghandi.

Crystal Ball

Sometimes, I just wish I could see into the future. I wish there really were pretty sparkly crystal balls that gave me all the answers I am seeking. Especially at moments like these in my life.

Geeze, I feel like I've had nothing really big going on in my life for the longest time. Now, as of two days ago, my whole plan of what was gonna be going on in my life for the next few months is up for grabs. A month ago my principal approached me asking if it would be alright for her to nominate me for a new thing Metro is starting up this year. It's called the Teacher Leadership Institute. I didn't really think much of it other than, "awe that's a really nice compliment for her to think of me". Over the past month, I've had so many other things to think about I had kind of put it at the bottom of my list of things to do. So this past weekend, I started thinking about it again. I looked at the website and decided to go for it. I began the process of filling out the application, redoing my resume, and writing an essay. Four hours later, I finished and starting thinking about what it would actually mean if I was selected. I have been praying and trying to think this through to decide if this is really what God wants for me.


Here are some Pros and Cons:
Pros:
-I get to be a part of a select group of special educators
- I will learn many leadership skills
- make connections within my district
-free IPAD!!! (I like this one alot)

How it affects my summer:
- I'll have more time to travel at the beginning of the summer
-I would get to work YES Bible Camp

Cons:
- rejection of not getting picked
-I won't get to take the free flight class from MTSU this summer
-suspense of waiting to find out if I get picked- I have to wait till April freakin fools day to find out. That is sooo not funny.
-It's gonna take up alot of my time and energy
- lots of expectations and pressure


As of now, I wait in limbo land until, they decide if they want a personal interview with me. Ahhhh, nervous feeling. Ahhh, I haven't done anything like this in a long time. This will either be a great opportunity for me to do something special or a good lesson in humility. I have always had a hard time balancing confidence and humility. I never want to jump the gun and get excited before something actually happens because I hate getting my hopes up then being disappointed. If I do get selected, I'm gonna have mega responsibility next year. My principal already told me she wants me on leadership team and wants me to be the K team leader next year.

This is scary for me because I feel so tied down now.  I still have such a passion and desire to teach abroad . God planted that seed in my life a long time ago and it has been growing steadily in my heart since then. I feel like this is a time in my life where I should still feel free to make choices about what I want to do. There are so many conflicting ideas in my head right now. Life, career, passion, and desire. So many choices.  No matter how scary it all seems, I just have to believe that God will equip me with whatever skills I will need for whatever path he brings me to. He's never failed me before. Amen

Trail Mix

Even though I just wrote a post a few weeks ago, so much has been going on in my life these past two weeks it seems like it's been forever. Writing has always helped me process and vent my thoughts. I really don't like to complain because I have so much to be fortunate for in my life so I like to write. I write so much I have five different journals at home, each one for a different purpose or reason. Warning: I'm about to write about alot of random stuff. Just like trail mix, with multiple ingredients when put together it's so yummy (I love trail mix and sometimes compare it to my life) there's gonna be some peanuts, almonds, pretzels, and chocolate all mixed together. No matter what you put in the mix it always tastes so good. So here it is... my trail mix life.

Lets start with the happy news, I do this with my class in the mornings, everyday I ask different kids what they are happy about that day. Their answers are always interesting and I have learned so much about each child by doing this little activity. Anyways, I have a lot of happy news today.  We successfully finished our first week of TV announcements!!! We were the first K class to be on TV announcements, so it was a really big deal. We practiced for a week and a half to get ready and they rocked it. Each one of them did such a good job! I even got to make an appearance with them as Fancy Nancy on Wednesday. It was fun but soooo glad that it is over.

Read Me Week, was a success!  The kids were so excited everyday about trying to figure out who the special reader would be for that day. I was very excited to share my kids with my friends. I absolutely loved having Amanda, Becky, Brenda, Katie, and Michael take time off their jobs to come and hang out with my class. Those kids make me so proud sometimes.

Amanda read If I Ran the Circus

Michael read Where the Wild Things Are

My dance team finally got to perform at the Fourth Grade Program. This particular performance has been cancelled about 3 times due to weather stuff. So glad that's done. Next on the list... Basketball Cheerleading! Apparently I am gonna have about 50 cheerleaders this year, lord help me. I have already signed a bunch of their forms and they are so excited. I'm about half way done with their dance choreography and it's gonna be sick!! haha, sidenote I'm starting to really like Justin Bieber's music.

Bible study is going awesome. For the past 8 weeks, I have met with some awesome ladies who have inspired me with their insights and thoughts about each chapter of Daniel. I love digging deeper into God's word and discovering how applicable it is to me and my everyday life. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own "Babylon" and I am becoming more and more aware of it's presence in my life. Daniel's integrity is so inspiring. We have a camp song we sing at YES and one of the verses says, "I want to be like Daniel for Daniel was a mighty man" and we go back and forth with guys and the girls singing different parts. That song has taken on a new meaning for me.

Charlie and I are celebrating our anniversary this month. The first time I met him was St. Patrick's Day and he came to live with me the week after. I can not believe it has been a year. Other than my family and friends I have never loved anything this much. I'm so glad that he is a part of my life. I'm in the process of planning a puppy party for him to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. I'm gonna make him a doggie cake.

Love at first sight! Who couldn't love this dog?

Selection Sunday is one week away! I love this time of year! I have so many fond memories of my junior year at Belmont when we got to go to the NCAA tournament for the first time ever!!! I had such a great time meeting new people and celebrating the awesome occasion with several friends. Those are some memories that will never be forgotten. If we end up going to San Diego again, I think I might just have to take off work.

Now for the not so happy news, in the past few months I have discovered that several couples I know are either in the process of or have already gotten a divorce. These are people I know well. People I would have never dreamed would get divorced. This just breaks my heart. I have never ever been a person to believe in divorce as an answer. My parents made it very clear to me as I was growing up that they did not believe in divorce either. I have always felt for my friends that grew up in divided homes and I'm so thankful I never had to endure that.

The more I think about this topic, the more wary I am of relationships in general.  I spent alot of my time in high school and college learning from my friends mistakes and not making those same decisions myself. I really don't feel like I missed out because I was able to witness first hand the good and bad of it all. I am so thankful that I do have examples of healthy Christian marriages in my life and I have some of the best mentors ever that encourage and affirm me in my beliefs. At this point in my life, I'm just waiting to see what God has in store for me on this journey.

So not to end on a depressing note, in May, I am looking forward to sharing the union of two sets of  my very special friends. Liz and Adam and Taylor and Klay! I'm going to start referring to the month of May as "Marriage Madness Month" Two consecutive wedding weekends! Oh boy!!! get the tissues ready

A Work of Love

What a fabulous day it has been! I have been blessed in multiple ways today. Today was a beautiful sunny day and that makes me happy anyways, but on top of that I was able to catch myself today in the midst of teaching, truly enjoying the moment. One reason I love Kindergarten so much is because I can be goofy and creative. I couldn't do that as much in third grade. My kids just crack me up sometimes. I just love them so much! We were playing this awesome game and they were saying the funniest things. Really, sometimes I just wish I could record my life.

Then I had a wonderful affirmation during a comprehensive evaluation meeting with my principal. It's so touching to hear someone say such great things about your craft and to know that someone believes in you. It was so encouraging and uplifting! I am so thankful to have people like her in my life.

After school, I got to go to Belmont at the Bluebird for the first time ever!!! I have seriously wanted to go to this event ever since it started like four years ago. Tanner was my guest and we always have a good time together. We survived running across five lanes of traffic on Hillsboro Road to get to the Bluebird and got some pretty sweet seats! (Thanks to Kelly and the YAC) Once I got in and sat down I noticed that the Bluebird was setup very differently than normal. They had in the round seating. The four guest singer/songwriters were Ricky Skaggs, Jess Cates, Gordon Kennedy, and Ben Cooper. Just so happens, that I used to have a class with Ben, back in the day. He also had a little brother at YES that he would come and hang out with. After realizing that I was going to get to watch someone I actually know perform, I got very excited.

There is something about music that I just can't explain. Sometimes all I need to put me in a good mood is some good music. Music is like medicine for my soul. I just love hearing people sharing their hearts and stories through their lyrics and tunes. Tonight as I listened to all the performers sing, I was truly inspired. Music is such a blessing to me and I love how it moves my spirit. One of the songs tonight even made me a little misty (ha, imagine that). One of Ricky's new songs called, Work of Love, totally touched my heart. To know that Ben helped write that song is so cool. I'm so fortunate to know some people who do really amazing things for the glory of the Lord. It makes me want to be equally amazing. It inspires me to imagine and be creative. It's very easy for me to get stuck in my day to day activities and forget all the things I still want and desire to do with my life. Music has the power to move me to action. I love this feeling!!!

It was so good getting to see and catch up with Ben. He ended up giving Tanner his latest EP and as we were listening to it in the car. I believe I found one of my new favorite songs! I've already listened to it on repeat multiple times. It's called, What You're Waiting For. This song is just so encouraging to me personally and I love the line that says, "funny when you wait, what life will hand you".  ohhhhh suspense!



A Work of Love
What could make a man go up
On a cross to die for us
Just when the devil's push had come to shove
What could leave the empty grave
Carrying all the souls he saved
Hallelujah that's a work of love

What could make a man go down
To the river for his sins to drown
In the glory of the Lord he fell short of
Confess the error of his ways
And then lift his hands in praise
Hallelujah that's a work of love
It's the bending of the knee
It's the tending of the need
It's the hand that's reaching from above
If you look and see the scar
Then you know you've seen the heart
Hallelujah that's a work of love

What could make a man go out
Change his life and turn about
From wrestling with to resting with a dove
With no thought of turning back
Giving everything he has
Hallelujah that's a work of love

Time Will Do the Talking

Okay, so I love music and once again, when thinking of a blog title, I decided to be real original and use song lyrics. I love that Patty Griffin Song, Time Will Do the Talking. There is also that Beatles song, "there is a time for every season under heaven". Lately, time has been on my mind alot and it's been a real big issue for me. We have been learning to tell time at school and reading the book, Time to Sleep. These past couple weeks I have struggled with using my time wisely and figuring out what to devote my time to. Today was a beautiful day and I was able to take time to spend alot of the day outside enjoying the sunshine and hanging out with Charlie.

But, this week I'm facing another "I'm booked solid" week. I literally have multiple things to do each day after school. My calendar is all kinds of colorful this week. With school, planning, grad school, dance team, bible study, and Belmont's Homecoming this week is gonna be like a marathon. It leaves me very little down time, friend time, workout time, or Charlie time. I kind of feel a little trapped in my schedule.

I've always been an active person and I love being a part of stuff, but sometimes I just get too involved. No, is not a word I use often. I have gotten a little bit better with this, but it's a continual process. I pray for guidance and time management skills everyday. Sometimes I feel like I spread myself too thin. I've always been pretty good at most things, but I've never been just awesome at one particular thing. I try to juggle it all, squeeze things in, and make it work out somehow. I do this many times letting other areas of my life suffer. I love the night time and I can be very productive at night, but my school schedule is not conducive to that of a night owl. I have to start making myself get to sleep at a decent time. These snow days have really thrown my schedule off and my body has been so tired when getting up in the morning. I'll tell myself, "If I can just make it through the day, I'll be alright" but I hate the feeling of just making it or just getting through the week. Many times I just go into survival mode without truly enjoying the moments life has to offer. I pray that this week will not be a "just get through it" week but a week full of fun and excitement. 

I need to be more intentional about how I use my time. I always feel I have good intentions, but sometimes things don't pan out as I think they will or should. I have to remember this really isn't my time, it's God's time. He has a plan for me and I get to be a part of that process. I like to make things happen but sometimes when they don't happen, I get disappointed. I pray that God gives me an open heart and mind and helps me find joy even in the disappointing times.

A Day I Will Never Forget

Seven years ago today, I lost one of my best friends, Rachel, in a snowy ice storm car accident. Looking back now, I can't believe it's been seven years. When it first happened, I never thought I'd get to this "I'm okay" point. The point where I would feel at peace with Rachel's death. The first few years after it happened, it was impossible for me to think the aweful sad feeling would ever get better. It's been amazing to watch how God has worked in my life and others lives as a result of her and how he did get me to that "I'm okay" point.  I remember that day so vividly. What I was doing, who I was with, and how I felt. It's amazing how such short moments can impact your life eternally.

Four years ago, I reflected on this day by writing a little note on facebook. Here it is.

This day three years ago, one of my best friends was killed in a car accident. I can think of many bad days that i have had in my life, but Feb. 7, 2004 has to be the worst day of my life so far.

I was a freshman and a cheerleader for Belmont. We had had a double header that Sat. and it was such a long day. I was tired, hungry, and ready to leave so I could celebrate my birthday with my friends that night. I had talked with my parents during half time and they had been acting really strange.

After both the games were over my mom came up immediately and asked what was I doing, where was I going? I told her I had to go to my dorm and get some stuff but then I was gonna go out w/ everyone for my b-day. She told me she was coming with me and when I went to look at my phone she told me to give it to her. When I got in my dorm room, my AIM was full of messages saying, " something has happened and call me right away". I had no idea what was going on. Things were not adding up. She told me to come on and said she was going to drive me home. By this point, I knew something was wrong and something really bad had happened.

I remember getting so mad at my mom because she would not tell me what was going on. I thought my grandmother had passed away or something like that. Finally when we got home, my parents sat me down and my mom told me that Rachel had been on her way to a Phi Mu convention and that the car she was in had hit a patch of ice. She finished the statement by saying, she's gone.

At that moment so many things were going through my head I could not react. I started asking questions and saying that it couldn't be she was coming in town to celebrate my birthday tonight. I didn't understand how God could have let that happen. Once it finally hit me, I broke down. I remember running into the hallway and just falling on the floor crying.

I had never lost anyone like that before and I couldn't believe it was happening then. I was finally able to regain my composure somewhat and my parents took me over to the Cate's house. Since I was one of the last people to find out about it a bunch of people were already there.

Rachel, was the sister I never had. I spent many of my days after school at her house with her and her family. She was the best big sister I had ever seen, with her three brothers and one of the dearest friends a person could ask for. We had Spaghetti nights, student council stuff, classes together, church trips, inside jokes, shopping sprees, photo sessions and so many other adventures together. Many nights when my mom could not reach me on my cell phone she would just call the Cates house because more than likely I was over there or doing something else w/ Rachel. She was one of the cheerleaders biggest supporters in high school and we always went to Tim, Kenny, and Rascal Flatts concerts together. Rachel was not only my friend but my family too.

A week after her funeral, I received the birthday card that she had sent me in the mail. I will never forget the feeling I had that day. I realized that her writing me a birthday card was one of the most important things for her to do that week before she died. She wanted me to know that she loved me and that she wished she could be there to celebrate with me . To know she was thinking of me that week is something that helped me cope with her death.

She had always been the kind of person who helped others including her friends, family, and people she had never met. She was such huge part of my life and I will never forget the impact she had on me. Tim McGraw has a quote that says, " We all take different paths in life but no matter where we go we all take a little bit of each other with us everywhere". (I had to add some Timmy for old time sake) Rachel was one of the main reasons I joined Phi Mu and now that I am a Phi Mu we are officially sisters for life.

I still think of Rachel often, whether it's something that i see or a song on the radio. We had so many great memories together. Now all I have are those pictures and memories and I cherish each and every one. I thank God for putting Rachel and her family in my life.

I pray that today especially they are comforted in the fact, knowing that she is in such a better place and no longer has to worry about anything. Although, I still do not have the answer as to why she had to die so young. I know that God used Rachel, not only in her life but in her death. She was such a great testament to so many of our friends.

This is the first note I have ever made on facebook and I know Rachel would feel really special knowing that she came first ( she always liked to be the center of attention). It's hard to believe three years have come and gone so fast. I wanted to honor Rachel on this day and I thought that this would be a good way to do so.

Today I celebrated the life of Rachel Allison Cate. Although, she only lived a little while, the time she was here, she made special. I learned alot about friendship and family life from Rachel and because of her I am the person I am today.


One of Rachel's favorite verses: While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen [are] temporal; but the things which are not seen [are] eternal. II Corinthians 4:1

The Cates sent me flowers at school today for my birthday! The flowers just made my day. They were sooooo beautiful and springy! I got to talk to Leigh Ann for a little bit on the phone to thank her before she went to pick up Josh for piano. It's still hard talking to her about Rachel, especially on days like today.

 Today I still hang out with the Cates as much as I can: birthdays, graduations, spaghetti nights, and Christmas Eve have become regular get together traditions. They really are like a second family to me. I'm so blessed to have such a strong Christian family example in them. I have watched them deal with their own pain throughout the years and they have always been there for me. Just being with Chris, Josh, and Zach remind me of so many good times and memories throughout the years. I have been so fortunate to be able to watch the boys grow up. I know that Rachel would be so proud of them all. Chris just graduated college and got a job, Josh is so smart and sincere, and Zach is totally boy and he just started modeling! On days like today, I can't help but wonder what it would be like if she were still here. So many experiences, we would have shared and loved together. I can't wait for the day when I see her again.

Sometimes I really just have a loss for words about how I feel about certain things, which is why I love music. Music is something everyone can relate to. Rachel and I shared a great love for music, drama, singing, and pretending we were gonna be famous one day. One of my favorite musicals of all time is Wicked I think of Rachel everytime I hear the last song on the soundtrack, For Good. Knowing her and being her friend truly did change me... for good.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

My first blog!

Test, 1, 2, 3!

Once upon a time, I had a Xanga account. I used to love reading my friends posts, stories, and updates about what is going on in their lives. Somewhere along the way, I stopped using it. I've always loved writing and putting my thoughts down for posterity and reflection so I figured this blog would be a good way to do that.

This past year has been full of adventures and excitement. I've experienced new things, sad things, and have had some truly hard facts laid upon me. Literally, everyday I have learned something new about this world and myself. Everyday I seek to learn more about God and to be able to show his love to others. I invite you to come with me on my journey at home, at school, out in the world... like the dandelion seed blowing in the wind at the top of my page, who knows where we will end up or where ever this adventure might lead.

But here it is.... My story! This is it!